The Marriage of convenience

  • The marriage of convenience

    What is marriage? Two souls coming together or two families coming together, to just two people put together for the sack of populated the earth? What is the definition of marriage in religion, a gift from GOD, a sacred bond between a man and a woman? The most intimate relationship among the humankind. Still does not explain what marriage really is does it? When we talk about marriage in our society, I think meaning change a little bit, rather than the bond between a man and woman its more of a bond between the two families ( the mother in laws, fathers in laws, the aunts/ uncles and all the other relationship) just not the bond between two people.

    If we look at the history when two nations were joined together it was done through the means of marriage. The crown prince of one nation being married off to a crown princess of another nation just to have strong ties between the people and the countries, sometimes even disputes were settled between two parties through the convenience of marriage.

    Did we ever all just stop to think did the two people being forced into a bond wanted to be tied down to each other? Did they want to spend THEIR WHOLE life with each other? DID WE ASK THEM? When we talk about our society, it is a costume that the child is to listen to its parents on every aspect of his/her life. May it be about his/her education, his/her career, his/her life and even their friends. A child in this society has no life of their. Why is so?

    We live in nation where the majority is Muslim and in Islam it is said that the child has the right to choose his/her life partner then why is it a costume that the child is not given the choice to choose who they marry and if by some chance they marry by their choice the society mocks them so and so that they start to doubt them self. And even more it happens in the house holds that if there is an Islamic scholar telling about the marriage and its rules, what rights a husband and wife have over each other and all the things related to that and what our well educated elders do is that they change the channel!!

    Women are made for marriage and nothing else right, they are made to populate this earth and take care of the house and work like slaves that the place of a women. Let’s for a moment think that it’s true, that women are made for that propose only, just hypothetically saying this so why aren’t our daughters taught how to run a household, to deal with children, how to deal with things in marriage, how to deal with husbands and in laws. Why the daughters not taught all this, if our society thinks all this about our daughters? We marry our children off without telling them about family planning, running a household, dealing with family dispute or with in laws, we give them no education as to what our religion says about marriage about real life, all we say is that listen to your parents everything will be good. Yes listening to your parents in number one priority but we need to teach out daughters about the real life and ask their opinion about their life as well, rather than making all the decisions for them.

    A story about a girl who paralyzed her own son because she had no idea what she was doing as a married women and had no help from her own family, in laws or even her own husband. It didn’t happen a very long time ago maybe just a couple of years ago.

    I knew a girl she belonged to a rich family but they lived in a very ruler area of Pakistan, not vey educated family. When a marriage proposal came from USA her family did not hesitate to say yes, not even asking the girl if she even wanted to marry and didn’t even bother to look into the family they were giving their daughter to a man they had no information about who he is, where he works, what he earns or where he lives. They married off and sent them of too USA. The girl had no clue as to how to deal with a new family her in laws how to act with her husband and what not, as she struggled to adjust with her new life, she got pregnant and before she could get a handle on her new life the baby arrived, the first couples of days were easy for her she did have to look after a walking toddler and her husband and in laws were no help always demanding her to do something. As soon as her son talha came of the age of walking she didn’t know what to do, how to look after her son and keeping do the chores around the house, as she was no educated she did the only thing logically to her tying up her son to a sofa in the living room as the time passed talha grew older he didn’t walk at all. When they took him to the hospital, the doctor told them that he would never walk because his bones had grown inwards leaving him paralyzed, both devastated parents went home the father made himself busy with work and the mother listened to her in laws telling her how it was her fault. One day the father went to the Friday prayers a little earlier to listen to the preacher, as he told the listen that the beloved Muhammad (PBUM) would help around the house and his wife because they were his partners not his slaves. The father came home apologized to his wife and told her, he would be a better father and a husband to his family. And the rest you could say was history.

    As we call ourselves Muslim do we really know what Islam is and do we really teach it to our children we need to open our eyes to the reality of the world.